All 10 Spider Lords in Magic Ranked

Blex, Vexing Pest | Illustration by Ekaterina Burmak

I don’t like spiders in real life much, at least, not unless they’re behind glass, but I enjoy them in Magic. I am an extremely consistent human being and will not take any questions at this time.

A few years ago, spiders had next to no lords in Magic. They were bundled in Blex, Vexing Pest’s text box, and that was pretty much all they had. Things sure have changed, haven’t they? Not only do we have more possible lords for spiders, but we have them in more colors, too.

So how do spider lords stack up, and is Blex still potent in a spider-focused strategy? Come with me and I’ll spin you a yarn. Er, web.

What Are Spider Lords in MTG?

Spider-Punk | Illustration by Forrest Imel

Spider lords are creatures that buff your spider creatures, whether that’s the traditional +1/+1 lord buff, +1/+1 counters, keywords, or other boosts. For our purposes, I won’t consider cards that only benefit from your other spiders.

Honorable Mention: Non-Lord Payoffs

While these cards aren’t lords, they’re spider payoffs of some description you’ll likely run in your spider decks. I’m a completionist at heart, and I was always trained to act like a one-stop shop.

Mary Jane Watson puts in work in SPM Limited as a card that makes your first spider every turn cantrip. Radioactive Spider is a Spider-Man version of Renowned Weaver, although it tutors for a creature with both spider and hero in its type line rather than creating a token.

Madame Web, Clairvoyant accelerates your spiders because it lets you cast them from the top of your deck. That’s fine support, but it’s very niche as a mono-blue spider enabler.

Grow Extra Arms and Thwip! are combat tricks that get better when you target a spider with them. Swarmyard Massacre can be a one-sided board wipe in a spider deck, while Swarmyard is a utility land that lets you regenerate an important spider (and it got gorgeous reprints in the Stellar Sights bonus sheet from Edge of Eternities).

Spinneret and Spiderling’s attack trigger buffs only itself, so it’s not a lord. Its second ability is one of the ways you can enable Spider-Verse’s copy ability, which itself also cancels the legend rule for your spiders. Spider-Mobile is another card that selfishly benefits from the rest of your board.

Honorable Mention: Wall Crawl

Full disclosure, I originally had Wall Crawl in the list proper, but I can get a nice round number of entries if I cut it. Besides, it’s only really a spider anthem, not a true “lord”, if you’re the type who only counts creatures as lords.

This enchantment’s primary role is as a stabilizer that’ll give you some life and a token as it enters, but it doesn’t have enough oomph as a 4-drop to make me run it. It feels like the card I’d add as I’m finishing a deck, only to swap it out the moment I find something better. That could be my bias as a primary Commander player, though.

#10. Guy in the Chair

You’ll invest 6 mana between the original mana value and the activated ability before you put a +1/+1 counter on a spider with Guy in the Chair, but it does qualify as a spider lord. Its role in Limited is primarily as a mana dork that allows you to splash outside of your colors, but it’s not as good in other formats except for flavor reasons.

#9. Miles Morales / Ultimate Spider-Man

Oh boy, do I have to squint to find the lord here. Ultimate Spider-Man’s attack trigger doubles the number of counters on your spiders, which means you already have to have invested time and mana to place counters on your creatures. But hey, I like the flavor that this ability pairs nicely with Guy in the Chair.

#8. Ezekiel Sims, Spider-Totem

Situational lords aren’t great, and 5 mana is a lot to pay for one considering the other options we have. The +2/+2 buff is okay, but it’s only on one creature at a time.

The mad scientist in me wants to combine Ezekiel Sims, Spider-Totem with an infinite combat combo to make a creature bigger and bigger until you land a final massive punch. Baylen, the Haymaker and Aggravated Assault with a bunch of Spider token generators in a Miles Morales Naya () build, perhaps? On the other hand, Ultimate Spider-Man’s counter doubling makes Ezekiel Sims a bit redundant.

#7. Blex, Vexing Pest / Search for Blex

The original spider lord is outclassed now by a spider lord that covers more creature types for less mana. Blex, Vexing Pest / Search for Blex offers more value than that, but there are more powerful spider lords to be had, especially among actual spiders.

#6. The Swarmweaver

The Swarmweaver is only a lord when you have delirium enabled. Golgari colors () are strong if you want to fill your own graveyard with stuff, but a conditional lord that your opponents can turn off with a Bojuka Bog or other graveyard hate isn’t all that strong. The deathtouch doesn’t hurt, though.

#5. Cosmic Spider-Man

This spider lord grants your arachnids a whole soup of keywords, but it’s tied to combat. At least they keep the abilities until the end of your turn, so you can grant haste with Cosmic Spider-Man and use activated abilities during or post-combat, for example.

Cosmic Spider-Man will pretty much only ever be a 5-color commander that lets you play all your favorite web-slingers (spiders in general; I’m not specifically referencing the web-slinging/enweb ability). It’s similar to Ezio Auditore da Firenze: Ezio is a commander that lets you play all your favorite assassins from Assassin’s Creed, and Cosmic Spider-Man lets you play all your favorite spiders from Marvel’s Spider-Man. You’re not locked into their respective sets, but they give you that 5-color good-stuff home you want.

#4. Spider-Punk

I understand why Spider-Punk is red, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. But if you’re wondering why this spider lord isn’t my top pick, it’s because you can’t play it in a Shelob, Ishkanah, or other spider Commander deck without red. It should see play in lots of decks to shut off damage prevention and counterspells, and the riot ability it grants to spiders will be a very good bonus in the right builds.

#3. Aunt May

Aunt May is incredibly good when paired with any token generation. Every spider token you get from Arasta of the Endless Web, Arachnogenesis, or Spider Spawning, etc. comes in as a 2/3 thanks to Aunt May’s +1/+1 counter. The only issue is a mono-white color identity, which makes sense for the character but limits the number of decks that can play this card.

#2. Shelob, Child of Ungoliant

Shelob, Child of Ungoliant has one of the higher mana values among spider lords, but it’s very potent as both a lord and an enabler. Deathtouch and ward are an oppressive combination, and Shelob also gives you petrified copies of opponent creatures that your spiders kill, a perfect ability to combine with fight spells or Viridian Longbow. It’s a huge mana investment that invites removal, though, which is a point against it.

#1. Spider-Ham, Peter Porker

For better or for worse, I can’t look at this card without hearing the voice of John Mulaney in my head. Spider-Ham, Peter Porker is a lord for a whole menagerie of creature types, many of which are under-supported. Its lord buff comes on a cheap body, and it counts as a spider. I can’t argue with a 2-drop that immediately makes all my spiders better.

Wrap Up (in Webs)

Ultimate Spider-Man | Illustration by LA Draws

Apologies to the Universes Beyond haters out there, since Blex and The Swarmweaver are the only non-UB cards here. Spiders have a good number of lords now, enough to compete with other popular creature types like dragons, elves, goblins, or zombies.

Which spider lords do you run? What kinds of spider lords would you want to see in a future set? Let me know in the comments below or over on the Draftsim Discord.

Until next time, stay safe, and watch out for Radioactive Spiders! And if something does bite you, maybe go get it checked. Do as I say, not as I do….