Food | Illustration by Steven Belledin
MTG is a very flavorful game. Most cards we see actually make a lot of sense, especially in top-down designed sets like Innistrad and Theros. Slayer of the Wicked does a good job at killing Innistrad’s most common monsters. Deicide was created to exile gods for good.
But there are many, many awkward card designs in MTG that you could consider flavor fails. It’s impossible to mention all of them, but here are the best ones I could muster.
It’s going to be a funny one, so let’s dive in!
What Are Flavor Fails in MTG?
Food | Illustration by Ben Wootten
Flavor fails are basically when the flavor of a card is weird, or the interactions between different cards fail from a flavor standpoint. Removal spells are perfect examples.
For example, cards like Tragic Slip or Defenestrate are ways to kill a certain creature, but I imagine many creatures wouldn’t die in the situations these cards represent. In MTG, a Tragic Slip kill a wolf or a human, but it can also kill birds or Ulamog, the Infinite Gyre.
We also have some awkward situations like cows crewing vehicles, or sheep wearing armor. I get that Brain Maggot is a 1/1 creature, but I don’t see a maggot crewing a Smuggler's Copter. Or holding an axe to fight. Magic is a game that requires some suspension of belief.
#25. Hour of Victory
I mean, it’s supposed to be a victory, right? The finish line, the end of the race. So why are the racers in Hour of Victory just now starting their engines? It’s not a saga with chapters, just a card. Now that I think of it, a saga with start your engines on its first chapter and a last chapter that gives a benefit to max speed would be interesting (not strong, just interesting).
#24. Saruman the White
Gandalf the White is a white card. So why is Saruman the White a blue card? I get it, it’s the color pie flavor and not the card name, but it’s still strange. White Tiger, Ava Ayala is also a green card, but it’s less offensive on the flavor fail scale. There’s another version of White Tiger that’s also a green card, so it’s not an isolated case.
#23. The Ring Tempts You Is All Upside
The One Ring is a very powerful and flavorful MTG card, and it gives you power at the cost of life. The Ring tempts you mechanic should work like that: You get progressive benefits, but at the cost of more downsides.
In reality, the mechanic is all upside, and it’s excellent to be tempted by the Ring. Mark Rosewater already addressed that, and he said that at some point in development, the mechanic would give downsides to the player, but it also became a very complicated mechanic. Also, for some reason, Sauron, the Dark Lord can get tempted by the Ring.
#22. Pin to the Earth
Pin to the Earth is a defensive spell in MTG that makes your foes weaker. I get that. But their creature is paralyzed, to a certain point, so how can it still attack? And how can the enchanted creature still fly after being pinned down?
#21. Water-Based Removal Spells Actually Kill Sea Creatures
When WotC designed Walk the Plank, they took extra care by mentioning merfolk in the rules text because, you know, they can swim. But in MTG, we can make whales, sharks, krakens, leviathan, and other sea-based creature types “walk the plank”, which is kind of funny. Sleep with the Fishes has a similar meaning, and it also has the same problems.
#20. Indestructible Aura
Indestructible Aura is an interesting card. In its defense, it’s from a time when MTG didn’t use the words aura or indestructible. But it’s neither an aura card, nor does it have indestructible or grant the indestructible keyword. The flavor isn’t a failure, but the mismatch between the card name and its card type is funny.
#19. Nylea, God of the Hunt Doesn’t Have Reach
It’s well established in MTG that archers have reach. Green creatures tend to have reach. So why doesn’t Nylea, God of the Hunt, the green god, have reach? This pretty big bow of hers could certainly take down dragons and demons alike. And that’s not all, because Bow of Nylea doesn’t grant reach either despite damaging fliers.
#18. Go for the Throat
Go for the Throat is an excellent removal spell. Many living creatures will die if you slit their throat. It doesn’t work on artifacts, of course, so that’s a positive. But what about creatures that have no throat to go for, like Headless Rider or Headless Skaab? Or spirits, ghosts, and other ethereal creatures? Aim for the Head is another similar flavor culprit.
#17. Arena Athlete and The First Iroan Games
The flavor text on Arena Athlete says: “The Iroan Games award no medals,” but The First Iroan Games saga gives you a Gold token at the end, which is clearly a medal! So, which one is lying? The saga came last, so in a way, they’ve retconned the story. The athletes get a medal, but the real prize is the contact with the god.
#16. Cement Shoes
I don't really need to explain the mobster mentality behind making an enemy wear Cement Shoes and having them take an eternal nap with the fishies. But why is Magic's representation of Cement Shoes something you want to put on your own creatures? Shouldn't this be something you attach to opposing creatures to lock them down? Looks like they just went for the “wow these are some really heavy boots” approach instead of the whole drowning thing.
#15. Thassa’s Oracle Wins the Game
It makes total sense that an oracle from a god enters play and looks into the future. It also makes sense to “scry” based on the devotion you have. But why on earth should Thassa's Oracle be a win condition? Why should a MTG game be decided by scrying? Okay, Laboratory Maniac doesn’t make any sense either, and that logic can apply to most alternate wincon cards.
#14. Hidden Dragonslayer Misses 3-Power Dragons
Hidden Dragonslayer is a flavorful design. It unmorphs and kills a creature with power 4 or greater. Any creature from dragons to elephants to krakens, it’s all fair game. Granted, there aren’t many good 3-power dragons in MTG, but even in its own Tarkir block, there were cards like Dragonlord Silumgar and other high-profile, competitive dragons. We also have cards like Twinflame Tyrant or Stormbreath Dragon which the dragonslayer can’t slay. Maybe “destroy target dragon” would be more flavorful, but arguably a weaker card.
#13. Gatebreaker Ram Doesn’t Breaks Gates
Gatebreaker Ram breaks gates, right? So, why does it get stronger if you have more gates? Gatebreaker Ram also doesn’t destroy gates. It should get stronger if your opponents have gates for it to break. Or when you destroy their gates. But that’s just my opinion.
#12. Dragonlair Spider Makes Insect Tokens
The flavor and flavor text of this card are a little weird. Dragonlair Spider should spawn 1/1 spiders in its own lair, but apparently, insects are attracted to this lair so that they can feed on… winged creatures like birds? And for some weird reason, the spider doesn’t eat these giant insects.
#11. Peacekeeper Has 1 Power
It’s a Peacekeeper. It literally says creatures can’t attack. So, peace, right? But why does this card have even a point of power? While this card is in play, combat shouldn’t even happen in the first place. I guess even the most pacifist peacekeepers need to throw the dukes up every now and then.
#10. Uniquely Named Lands That Aren’t Legendary
Emeria, the Sky Ruin. Valakut, the Molten Pinnacle. Maze of Ith. The World Tree. The Lonely Mountain. All of these cards and more could be legendary lands, but they aren’t. So, you can have two copies of The World Tree in play at the same time.
It's been stated that the designers didn’t make the rare Zendikar lands legendary, because they didn’t like legendary lands for gameplay reasons. Sometimes you’ll draw two Valakuts and you want to play them, right? But the biggest reason is that, at that time, rules said that a legend in play kills another equally-named legend, so if Valakut were to be legendary, you could play your Valakut to destroy your opponent’s. In fact, people played Jace Beleren to kill their opponent’s Jace, the Mind Sculptors….
#9. We Can Have Multiple Versions of the Same Planeswalker in Play
The legend rule has been slightly altered over the years, and we can now have multiple versions of a legendary creature or planeswalker in play. It’s already weird to have multiple Chandras at the same time on the battlefield, but at this point we can actually play full-on “Oops All Chandra” decks in MTG!
I can have a curve of Chandra, Acolyte of Flame, followed by Chandra, Torch of Defiance, then Chandra, Flamecaller, and that was even a Standard-legal and playable deck, supported by Chandra's Embercat or other Chandra-themed cards.
#8. Lightning Elemental Dies to Lightning
Many red removal spells in MTG are a form of lightning. Lightning Bolt, Lightning Strike, Burst Lightning, you get the idea. All of these kill poor Lightning Elemental. Or Ball Lightning, for that matter. So, we can fight “lightning with lightning”. You could make similar comparison between Fire Elemental and a card like Flame Slash.
#7. Tragic Slip
Tragic Slip is an interesting one. With morbid online, this card can kill almost all non-hexproof/shroud creatures in MTG. Tragic Slip is one of the best ways to get rid of giant indestructible titans or gods for just 1 mana.
So, flavor wise… we’re making Ulamog, the Ceaseless Hunger or Blightsteel Colossus trip and die from the fall. But what about aquatic creatures? Or, like, things with wings. It’s certainly funny to make sharks and birds “slip”.
#6. Emrakul, the Aeons Torn Can Be Defeated by Flying Squirrels
Look, this is a classic from the MTG community. Many times, Mark Rosewater was asked if 15 1/1 flying squirrels could defeat Emrakul, the Aeons Torn, considering that it’s not indestructible and can be blocked by fliers. But the only flying squirrel in MTG to this day is Helica Glider, so eight of these could handle MTG’s devourer of worlds. And yes, it could be 15 flying 1/1 birds or spirits, but squirrels are way funnier.
#5. Silent Submersible
Silent Submersible is a mess. It’s not silent. It’s not invisible. It doesn’t have any sort of evasion at all. The thing about being a submarine is that no one sees it coming until it’s too late. It's really just missing some design sauce: You could make it unblockable so you could silently hit an opponent and draw some cards. But why should I play this instead of, say, a card that has a good saboteur ability and some evasion, like Shadowmage Infiltrator, and no need for crewing at all?
#4. Deadly Recluse Stops Everything
Look, Deadly Recluse looks like a 1/2 spider at best. It’s obviously scary for human beings. But it’s got a web and poison so strong that it can stop huge flying threats like Emrakul, the Promised End, Ureni, the Song Unending, or Inkwell Leviathan. Like Baleful Strix, I don’t know how these smaller creatures manage to be so deadly to huge dragons. There's a reason this gained the nickname “Stop Sign Spider”.
Swords to Plowshares is one of the best removal spells in MTG, and it’s played up to this day in various formats. It’s one thing to flavor the exile mechanic as a rift to another plane, or trap a creature or an object inside a portal or something. But in MTG, you get rid of someone’s extraplanar threat by giving it the plow. Or by convincing a certain warrior to retire through shame, in the case of Path to Exile.
#2. Emmara Tandris Is a 5/7
In Dragon’s Maze lore, Emmara Tandris is the maze runner from the Selesnya Conclave (), and she’s just a regular elvish woman who shouldn’t be a 5/7 creature at all. Just look at Emmara, Soul of the Accord, a newer and better-designed card. But the story of how this came to be is quite interesting.
During Dragon’s Maze development, two Selesnya cards had their text boxes swapped: Voice of Resurgence and Emmara Tandris. Emmara would be a 2/2 that prevents damage to tokens, while Voice would be a 5/7 for 7 that creates the */* elemental tokens. It makes sense for a 7-drop, after all. Voice got pushed for Constructed as a 2-drop mythic rare, while Emmara became a 7-drop mess. And while we're at it, why is Trostani's Summoner a better 7-drop at uncommon in the same set?
#1. Mjölnir, Hammer of Thor’s Equip Worthy Ability
Mjölnir, Hammer of Thor should be equipped only by the worthy and chosen, right? But in MTG, this is a very broad definition. “A creature is worthy if it’s a legendary non-villain that’s red and/or white.”
The thing is, villain creatures only exist in Universes Beyond sets, so MTG’s classic villains can also be worthy of equipping it. Some interesting cases inside and outside UB sets: Sauron, the Dark Lord, Nicol Bolas, the Ravager, Elesh Norn, Grand Cenobite, and more. Extrapolating a bit, we can crew RMS Titanic, and it will be, of course, worthy of wielding Thor’s Hammer.
Wrap Up
Failed Inspection | Illustration by Matt Stewart
MTG’s designers always point out that this is a giant game and that, while they make the cards as flavorful as they possibly can, there’s always going to be these funny corner cases. And in most scenarios, good gameplay and less complexity trump flavor. Shout-out to YouTubers like NizzahonMTG and the website Cardboard Crack, which have been doing this kind of funny content for years now, as well as similar forums like MTG Salvation and Reddit.
But now I want to hear from you guys. If you have more classic cases of flavor fails, please put your suggestions in the comments below, or in the Draftsim Discord. Thanks for reading, and for more on MTG, please check out our YouTube channel, The Daily Upkeep.
Until next time, stay safe!
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