One-of-One Serialized MTG Beef Stick Accidentally Eaten in Cleveland

Last updated on November 4, 2026

This is a fictional piece of satire; the characters and situations described are not meant to be taken literally. The Mythical Meats collab is real, but everything else here is fictional. Just have fun with it, folks!

Have you heard the news? MTG is doing an actual collaboration with snack company Mythical Meats. Each one corresponds with a different land/color pair: Plains is regular, Island is teriyaki, Simic is spicy, etc.

Each one comes in a “Booster Pack” of sorts, so you never know what flavor you’re going to get. They’re bringing new meaning to the phrase “flavorful include”, if you will.

source: Dexerto

In each Booster, there’s a 0.0000000001% chance that you’ll open the absolute grail of Magic: The Gathering snack foods: The One-of-One Golden Serialized Fracture Foil Beef Stick.

It was already commanding an insane bounty of $999,999,999, more expensive than every Black Lotus on the market combined, and then some.

But then tragedy struck.

The Meat Massacre

The Meathook Massacre | Illustration by Chris Seaman

Wario McSweeney, an MTG aficionado and world renowned snack enjoyer, had forgotten to eat breakfast on Tuesday, November 3rd. He was en route to an unnamed Cleveland LGS when he made this unfortunate realization. Upon arrival, he was thrilled to see Mythical Meats’ new snack offerings on display. He went to purchase a single meat Booster Pack.

Wario had this to say: “2 beef sticks, the thrill of mystery…seems good.”

He cracked his first meat stick, Golgari (spicy dill pickle flavored). Oof, rough start for Wario. But Wario knew nothing of the pull rates for these Booster Packs. He had no idea about the One-of-One Golden Serialized Fracture Foil Beef Stick.

He pulled back the wrapper on the next beef stick…and there it was. The air in the room shifted. One LGS shopper screamed and fell to the floor. Several others began to slowly crowd around Wario.

Suddenly, famous MTG content creator Ben Bateman appeared out of nowhere and said: “If you flatten it with a hydraulic press you could put it in a toploader, but then that might make grading hard…”

A rough approximation of The One-of-One Golden Serialized Fracture Foil Beef Stick

The image above is a rough approximation of The One-of-One Golden Serialized Fracture Foil Beef Stick. Reader, I regret to inform you that there wasn’t an opportunity for any true photographic evidence to be obtained.

You see, Wario’s hunger levels had reached visceral levels. Absolute meat stick tunnel vision prevented him from gaining awareness of the reactions around him.

So, he did what any professional snacker would do.

He snacked.

Wrap Up

Rules Lawyer | Illustration by Sean Murray

Wario, oh Wario. What errors have you wrought? $999,999,999, or more, gone in an instant. The One-of-One Golden Serialized Fracture Foil Beef Stick was, without question, the greatest MTG collectible of all-time.

But Wario, full of resolve, had this to say: “If you open a card, play it. If you open a meat stick? Eat it.”